1. |
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|
Here I stand,
In the shadows,
Of your resentment and jealousy,
Towering above me,
And below me,
With roots that run so deep,
And heavy branches,
All cracking in the wind,
Threatening to crush me,
Time and time again.
My happiness,
Is a poison to you;
It eats away at you,
And makes you sick.
So you do what you can,
To reduce the dose,
Until I'll never feel,
Happy again.
You let a temporary distance,
Leave a permanent scar,
Upon your heart;
Upon my heart.
You're growing colder every day,
As I fall apart.
Returning home is,
Becoming hard.
I wish I knew what it took to calm you,
But this storm always comes back around.
With its violent winds,
The trees are swaying,
And I know that they're coming down.
May you find your peace and let go,
Of the anger that clouds your mind.
I hope to see this forest be still again,
Before we're out of time.
You let a temporary distance,
Leave a permanent scar,
Upon your heart;
Upon my heart.
You're growing colder every day,
As I fall apart.
Returning home is,
Becoming hard.
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2. |
Goodlake
04:08
|
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|
I hope this message finds you well,
And that you're finally taking care of yourself.
I was just thinking about the past.
Isn't it funny how memories are the only things that last?
I'm feeling guilty for the way that I left things off,
And with the fact that I didn't take more time,
To tell you I love you,
And take every chance to embrace you.
I so badly want to hear your voice again.
I lay awake at night sometimes but I still can't process,
Every thought and emotion that's trapped inside my head.
I'm a prisoner every day within myself,
Because I didn't ever think that I would lose you.
For the moment you left here I became numb,
Only breaking in moments when I'm alone,
Because that's when I realize,
What a fool I have been,
And I can never take it back.
If I'm being honest,
I will never forgive myself.
Every chance that I've missed,
Is a failure I've now felt.
I feel like I've let you down,
It's a shame I bear alone.
I'm not asking for forgiveness,
Just thought that you should know...
I'll regret this as long as I live.
It will hide behind my smile.
I don't deserve to have you back,
But God how I want that again.
I still see you in my mind.
I still feel your absence.
I just hope you knew I cared,
When I couldn't say it.
I just hope you understood,
What I desperately wanted to convey.
I'm counting the days.
Remembering every little thing,
And the words you spoke to me.
I just hope you knew I loved you,
Sincerely.
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3. |
Rain On The Coast
03:57
|
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|
Oh what a sickening feeling,
Helpless in more ways than one.
Oh how fragile a life can be,
And how strange that another can send it,
Collapsing to nothing.
Cold and numb to the world,
As it stalks in the back of your mind,
And the selfishness,
Of the sadness,
In a time where a loved one could die.
Sudden fits of anger cut away at our lives,
Making it hard to hold these pieces together.
Not a semblance,
Of the hopes of yesterday.
Blood is draining from the moment the sound,
Strikes you dead in your tracks,
And you're frozen,
Without comfort;
No direction,
Just confusion and fear.
And you've got nowhere to go,
That it cannot find you,
The shape is looming.
Shadows dance upon the walls as you lay motionless.
Now I see that even the strongest of us,
Can be thrust into peril.
Saddening ceremonies conducted in hospital beds.
There's nowhere to hide anymore;
This grief has teeth and this pain has claws.
Tear me down and scatter the pieces.
Hopelessness hangs like a fog.
On these dark nights,
I doubt the dawn.
An irreparable state is where I find myself,
Buried deep in the guilt that I have my health.
Vacantly staring out into the streets,
Seeing the passing faces,
And their happy smiles,
Juxtaposed with my expressionless display.
And the silence that swallows the room,
Well I can't escape it.
It reminds me that nothing is safe,
But you don't deserve this.
I'm failing in my silence,
Consumed by all of this.
So sudden and overwhelming,
But you know you've got to live.
Please hold my hand.
Make me feel safe again.
And I'll do my best to,
Do the same for you.
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4. |
Dear David
04:44
|
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|
It's been two years since we last met.
This place has changed but I'm still the same.
This winter's cold reminds me of my feelings then.
This hollow shell that you made me;
Year by year I'm healing slowly.
There will always be a part I refuse to fill;
Forever empty.
I drove past your house today.
I remember the smell of the smoke;
Sharing stories and how we would laugh,
At your stupid jokes.
You left me on my own.
Every year the seasons change and I wonder if I do too.
Every day we breathe is a victory.
The words you said to me that day will be in my heart forever.
But it's getting late so I have to go.
How could you do this to me?
I thought we were brothers.
There's nothing left in me but anger.
You always said we would get through this together.
You lied to me.
Your ghost haunts me every day.
It's hard to move on when these wounds are so deep,
But a lot has happened since you left.
Remington graduated and started his life,
But we haven't heard from Patrick in years.
Matt and T got married last fall,
And we all wish that you could have been there.
Dexter and I are going back to school.
I know that you wanted us to finish.
I'm finally free;
Finally happy again.
I'm going to live my life to its fullest.
That being said,
Goodbye my friend.
I love you and I'll see you again.
Every year the seasons change and I wonder if I do too.
Every day we breathe is a victory.
The words you said to me that day will be in my heart forever,
But it's getting late so I have to go.
You live on in me.
After all this time I'm finally free.
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5. |
Recidivist
05:32
|
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|
I part these lips,
And try to speak.
Departing whispers,
That turn to screams.
And I know it's wrong,
But now it seems,
These words are falling,
Like dying leaves.
And one by one,
I hold them close to me,
Trying to revive them,
As the wind blows through the trees,
And I hear it cry.
It sings to me,
But I cannot move,
And I cannot breathe.
I'm so much more broken,
Than I thought I was.
I had such high expectations,
And faith in my bonds.
They're shredded like leaves in the dirt.
Once vibrant,
Now dead and divided;
These unlit windows,
Offer me no solace.
I long to sleep,
In eternal silence.
I thought I was past this.
I told her I needed her.
But I could feel her pulling back.
I can't blame her.
I need to do this for myself.
There's always the anger.
It hasn't softened since,
The day that you left me behind.
Do you expect me to live for the both of us?
You gave up.
You have no right to look down on me.
Your eyes are vacant,
As you stare at me.
And this paranoia,
It will not leave.
So I'll carve a message,
Into the trees,
Of all of the words,
You never bothered trying to read.
And I hear them whispering.
And I cannot see.
But that's how it's got to be.
Back and forth and back and forth;
Trapped in place.
That's how it's got to be.
It's got to be.
Dragged down,
In unease.
I'll take the fall,
Because that's how it's got to be.
But I know it's wrong.
But that's how it's got to be.
Fake smiles and laughter,
They were never my friends.
They threw a rope to me,
Wound of selfishness.
I would fall and they would let me.
So just let me fall.
I deserve this.
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